At 35, whenever I have to restart something it feels like I'm super late in the game. I mean, I've already restarted like four or five times in my life, if not more, based on my experiences and accomplishments. I mean, I feel like I've already rode the whole rodeo. I feel annoyed that I have to restart again in the first place. Plus, The other part of my fear is that I'll have to show my whole self to the public if I want to move forward. This may seem like an easy feat, but I've never showed my true one hundred percent genuine self in public. Not even during my motivational talks to the kids. I mean, I do get into character when elaborating on some personal heartfelt stories to the youth, but I'm talking about more in depth than that. Only my close immediate family has ever seen my true 100% genuine self – including all the comedic functions that I only choose to expel when they are around. The funny thing is, I've recently written an entirely new motivational show geared to an entirely different audience – college students. I already started strong by accomplishing such a great script, but in order to accomplish the entire task, I'll need to present this stuff on stage in front of them. Theres a lot of material that forces me to step outside of my comfort zone. This means I'll have to accept the fact that I have to step up to the plate and be myself. And, actually do it.
I'm actually quite excited to overcome one of my fears. It's actually quite exciting having a fear at the age of 35. I was getting to the point where I thought fear was no longer. Like it was extinct. I mean, I've spent my entire life eliminating all my other fears – that's what I did in my teenage years and 20s. I thought fear was something only my kids had. I'm actually quite amazed that I came across fear in the first place. I guess looking at eliminating fear in a positive way like this is the best way to approach it.
Fear is just another negative habit that needs to be replaced and/or eliminated altogether. The best way to overcome it is to stare it directly in the face and commit to chipping away at it day after day until it's withered to nothing. The funny thing is; it seems like the older I get the more difficult it is to change, or get rid of a negative habit. I guess it's an old dogs new tricks kind of thing. It fills my veins with fear, the thought of tapping into the part of me that nobody sees and getting up in front of an audience of a thousand. The standing on stage part is fine. It's the thought of unwinding enough to be my true self. But, like I said (or wrote), it needs to be done.
I'm really going to enjoy the feeling I get after I accomplish this task. I'm going to enjoy it even more when I get to show my kids that Daddy can walk his talk. It's easy showing my kids how to do it, but is it actually? I guess I will see..